Happy New Years

My most popular post of 2011?  Actually a post written on the eve of 2010 called
Another New Day:

Arbitrarily it is the end of a year and the end of a decade. An ancient Roman-based calendar obliges us to consider tomorrow January first as the demarcation of a new year: 2010. For weeks (or months) we will continue to write 2009 on our checks, not ready to give up the old year, not ready to embrace the changing times as the years zoom away from us.

The date marks no change of seasons. We are in the midst of winter and winter will continue into the new year. There is no high holy feast to observe, no pre-calendar pagan rituals harking us back to a holiday mood. There is no reason tomorrow should be anything other than another quotidian sunrise and sunset. Another ordinary day.

Yet offices are closed, tomorrow there will be no post, and everyone goes about today with good wishes and cheerful greetings. The midnight sky will be interrupted by fireworks and dropping pickles, apples, roses, crystal balls.... each timezone will countdown to this one instant, this thin line between two ordinary days on a calendar, a separation between old and new.

We go about with Hope brimming over, Expectations and Good Intentions leading our way...This year we will do better. This is the year. Everything will be different this year. Are we deluding ourselves? I don't think so. Somehow, even though it is just another ordinary day it is still a day of promise.

Anne of Green Gables says "Tomorrow is always new with no mistakes in it -- yet." we are never more aware of this truth than at the new year. Tomorrow the whole year will be New, with no mistakes in it -- yet. Despite our best intentions the coming year will fill up with mistakes big and small. But for right now it lies ahead of us level and clean like the blanket of new fallen snow outside my window. What tracks we will make through that unbroken white! For now the expanse lies clean at our feet.... 10...9...8...7...

When morning comes remember, every day begins fresh and new and blank waiting for us to make something of it. Will it be a holiday? Will it be a day when we wish each other well? Will it be a day when we spread a message of Hope? We get to choose -- all year long.

Reader Favorite: How To Break Up With an Evolutionist

The following conversation may vary with the unscripted responses of the other individual -- the most likely comments were chosen as representative.

“Umm, Honey, I believe the evidence examined in the unbiased light of real science supports the Intelligent Design and Creation.”

“What!?! How could you be so ignorant? Don’t you know that evolution has been proven?”

“Define proven.”

“Well, Everyone knows it’s true.”

Try not to be smug when you say: “I don’t.”
At this point they will look at you as if you are the stupidest person on the planet. Tell your soon to be in-significant other “Evolution is an unproven Theory. Even Darwin didn’t believe it in the end.”

The rebuttal to that point will most likely be an inarticulate scream of frustration and a forcible attempt to remove hair from their own head. A movement resembling a figure skating sit-spin sometimes accompanies this.

Now show some mercy, soften your voice and speak calmly but pleasantly. “I am willing to postulate that both Intelligent Design and Evolution are un-testable hypotheses and therefore theoretical, with no proof beyond sheer faith. I even go so far as to grant your right to believe, however misguided, that you are the product of millions of years of accidental mishaps in the life of an amoebic protein chain.”

“So you do think evolution is true, then.” Confusion and relief will struggle for dominance in this response.

“No.” Not too breezily, now. Be kind.
You and I know what you’re going to say next, but they do not see it coming. “But since I can neither prove nor disprove either theory to your satisfaction, I have decided to let you be the product of evolution if you want and I will continue to be the purposely created child of a Loving God.”

“Well, I… What?”

“It’s a compromise.”

“So I’ve evolved and you’ve been designed.” The shaking head and patronizing smirk indicate amusement and a degree of disgust.

“Yes, I will accept the idea that you are the end product, the eventual genetic offspring of random mutant monkey parentage, while you will admit I am the deliberate, intentional child of a purposeful Creator.” Pause for a moment, let it sink in. “Unfortunately that means I can’t date you anymore.”

“Huh?” [editor's note: there is a 47% variable indicating that this response might actually be "Wha...?" as that is not an actual word we have kept "Huh?"]

You continue, “Our compromise requires that I no longer believe that we are the same species, I’m sorry. I'm just not willing to practice inter-species dating.”

They will tell all their friends that they broke up with you because you're nuts.



Disclaimer: the above is pure imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is coincidental and mostly unintentional. For entertainment purposes only. ABSOLUTELY NOT MEANT AS RELATIONSHIP ADVICE.

Please Don't SPOIL the Children

Translation Courtesy of The Oxford American Dictionary, The American Heritage Dictionary, and the OED:

PLEASE DON’T
Ruin,
Damage,
Corrupt,
Frustrate,
Injure,
Mar,
Make Useless,
Harm the Character of,
Flaw Grievously,
Impair the Quality of,
or Render Unfit
THE CHILDREN

Merry Christmas to all the parents of children who's grandparents say "It's a grandparent's job to spoil their grandchildren."